


The Ninja Incidents

by MsDamia, tiziano



Series: There Is Gonna Be A Flame [4]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Phil Coulson, Gen, Random - Freeform, This is why people fear Phil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-05
Updated: 2013-11-25
Packaged: 2017-12-25 17:30:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/955816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsDamia/pseuds/MsDamia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiziano/pseuds/tiziano
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All incidents involving questionable actions by SHIELD Agents are required to be filed in HR Personnel Files. Many incidents are severely redacted due to Eyes Only status, however it has yet to stop people from gossiping about said incidents once they have seen them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Staple Gun Incident

Coulson, Agent Phillip 

Incident# 3115J59F4

Note: Report has been redacted

When under extreme duress and having been taken captive by an enemy government agency Coulson showed extreme innovation by releasing himself from restraints and incorporating a local tool as a weapon (see Staple Gun.) He used said weapon to eliminate seven foes and make it to the safe house in time for his debrief. 

The Incident was deemed as reasonable use of force and the Agent received a commendation for his quick wit in the face of extreme duress.


	2. The Waffle Iron Incident

Coulson, Agent Phillip

Incident# 5963R59K1

Note: Report has been redacted

When in the midst of a protection detail it is common knowledge that one should always be on their guard because anyone and anything could be after your subject. When grabbed from behind while making breakfast Agent Coulson showed quick reflex by flipping half cooked waffle batter into another agent’s face and then closing the iron over their hand and using the cord to choke them into unconsciousness. The subject was incapacitated but alive for questioning, which later led to the elimination of an entire urban terrorist cell in North Dakota.

 

The incident was deemed as a reasonable use of force and the Agent received a commendation for his quick reflexes and ingenuity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will likely refer back to these incidents in all of my stories involving Phil and other Agents. If anyone else wants to reference them I'm fine with that as well :)


	3. The Q-tip Incident

Coulson, Agent Phillip 

Incident# 2694L32R9

Note: Report has been redacted

While on an undercover assignment Agent Coulson discovered he had been made by a foreign operative and, in a move showing quick thinking and extreme ingenuity, made use of the supply of possible weapons (see Q-Tips) he had been using to remove DNA samples. He stabbed them through the tear ducts and punctured an eyeball before stabbing one into each ear and rupturing the eardrums and then the brain. 

The incident was deemed as a reasonable use of force and the Agent received a commendation for his quick reflexes and ingenuity.


	4. The Snow Globe Incident

Coulson, Agent Phillip

Incident# 4269R53A9

Note: Report has been redacted

While taking part in the intramural Winter Holiday Party with various government agencies, a weapon was discharged while the President of the United States was in the room. Agent Coulson took note of a local weapon (see: Snow Globe) and threw it at the shooter. 

While the shooter received a broken nose and cheekbone as well as multiple lacerations from broken glass the incident was deemed acceptable use of force and Agent Coulson was granted a Presidential Life-Saving Medal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amusingly enough the "Presidential Life-Saving Medal" is not something that I made up. They should have given it a better name.


	5. The Hanger Incident

The Hanger Incident

Coulson, Agent Phillip

Incident 3798G45T3A

Note: Report has been redacted.

On a routine scouting mission to Dayton, Ohio, Agent Coulson picked up a tail. He followed protocol, calmly leading the chase through a maze of circles to shake them. He did not lose the tail. Rather than cause an undue scene Agent Coulson led the tail into a nearby consignment store where the tail chose to confront the agent in a highly antagonistic manner. The agent used a wire hanger to bind the other man’s wrists and then lock him to a clothing rack to await backup while he calmed the store owner. 

The Incident was deemed as reasonable use of force and the Agent received a commendation for his quick wit in the face of duress. The consignment store’s proprietor (Abigail Brennich, 67) pressed no charges and made a pot of tea for the cleanup team.

**Author's Note:**

> All incidents may be referenced in my other stories. If someone else would like to reference an incident in their own story please feel free.


End file.
